I SHOT THE SHERRIF

:ugh:

I fucked a baby

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boy, and now he's 8 years old and shits through a tube that's wired into his wheelchair.

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i'm a fuckin one man crime wave, been caught lots but managed to get of the hook, wtf police suck donkey cheese

stole some crates of cheap car paint from B&Q, Power Tools etc. Vandalism.

i once haxored the CIA and stole 1792641876578365 trillion dollars, then launced some nukes at russia

 

me 2 i remember that!.

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BEST.

In chronological order, from most recent to oldest.

 

Battery with a sharp object-Got in a fight at school over my girlfriend, guy was a lot bigger than me so I cut his arm with a piece of glass, my P.O. didn't care, and the cop let me off so nothing happened, not even a fine.

 

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

 

 

Proof please, scanned court documents would be nice.

I put a keylogger on my GF's computer, then when she had a her friend over, me and my flatmate (the friend's bf) went in later and checked her email. We found she was seeing another guy, so my friend left her (even though she was his bit on the side until he saw his overseas GF again- and he says I have no morals...).

 

We kept checking her email for months, until about 8 months later, when we logged in and found a gem. It was something along the lines of this:

 

"Don't worry darling, I asked my friend who's Dad's a doctor. He said that the chances of getting pregnant are really low, and if you are pregnant, I'll pay for the abortion remember. So you have nothing to worry about. I told my parents my study fees are higher this year (thanks for the idea!) so I have some extra money to spend before we go home for Christmas.

You're parents will never know if you are pregnant.

 

PS, I asked Jakob to hurry up on making your degree. He keeps asking for more money, but if he doesn't do it I'll get someone to tell the police and we'll find someone else to do it.

 

Love, Jerry."

 

 

We forwarded it to everyone on her email list immediately.

Of course, her parents were on that list, along with other family, her school counsellor, her lecturer, the school's administration, her friends, her ex boyfriends, guys she was flirting with/dating behind Jerry's back, and a dozen or so randoms we couldn't figure out.

 

The email address went empty within a week and was never used again.

We haven't seen her since, and think her parents dragged her skanky ass back to China.

theMinkey']i ate this bag full of sugarfree werthers candy to prove how cool i was but i was reading the ingredients and it said Danger: May act as a laxative if consumed in great amounts

 

basically i shit for 2 days straight burning diahreah :(

 

haha i didn't even see that earlier, thats exactly what happened to me D:

At this very moment I'm having sex with a pizza and pretending its Partisan :drool2:

My friend and this kid were fucking enemies. They hated each other to death. One day we were outside on the basketball court which was made of rough concrete. My friend has a growth problem. He was only around 4'6". The other kid, about 5'5" and me about 5'6" (2 years ago)

 

So he runs up to my friend, grabs his shirt, and pulls back, choking him. I don't notice this, nor does the teacher cause hes swarmed by ******s asking to play 'sum bballz, no what i sayinz' g?'

 

My friend manages to get away. His shirt like nearly ripped off, and his face red from trying to get away. I turn and ask him what happened. He explains.

 

It begins with me walking after the kid. Asking him what he did, which he didn't answer, but kept running off. He stood at the basketball hoop, sitting there like a bad ass. I walked off ignoring his pussy acts.

 

So i make my way back to the teacher, when i hear my friend scream for help. I turn around, and sure enough old dumbshit is at it again. This time his fat ass won't get away. I promptly grabbed him by the shoulders, pulled him towards me, and then launched his ass backwards. He trips on the concrete, and falls backwards. His huge head hits the concrete, and all i see is blood. The teacher still being surrounded by ******s, is unaware of the pwnage i just unleashed on him.

 

So i help my friend up, walk away thinking dumbshit has a little cut. Next day at school we all three serve 5 weeks inschool suspension. Nothing to bad, fuck we didn't do shit! But after coming out we found out that fatass didn't serve his 5 weeks. What happened to him? He was at the fucking hospital - I had busted his head wide open. I was kicked out of every school in the city.

 

..True story.. No bullshit.

I think I can honestly say the worst thing I've ever done was talk some chick into killing herself. She did it on webcam to her boyfriend shame he didnt record it.

 

I guess from what I heard she slit her wrist up the forearm as well as taking an entire bottle of some sort of pain killer.

 

 

Do I feel guilty? Absolutely not, if a person is willing to kill themselves they are already messed up to begin with :naughtyd: sorry for putting the thought in her head that death would fix everything.

:stupid:

 

and i ate dog...

 

tasty...

When I was in high school I stole a bunch of shit and pawned it. Digital projectors, 19 inch LCD's, calculators, cameras... Made about $3000.

 

I also sent a group of chinese fishermen to gang rape Malum's father. Does that make me cool loLzomghehe!!1!!11oneroflcopt3r

i screamed and talked shit to my cats:o

When I was in high school I stole a bunch of shit and pawned it. Digital projectors, 19 inch LCD's, calculators, cameras... Made about $3000.

 

I also sent a group of chinese fishermen to gang rape Malum's father. Does that make me cool loLzomghehe!!1!!11oneroflcopt3r

 

 

lmao he probably enjoyed it

Once I invited my whole msn contact list into a big convo andthey didn't know who did it :gaykeke:

Steal stuff from people's lockers after school then sell them.

Do drugs, sometimes sell drugs.

Got caught once shooting these kids with bb guns and lighting a field on fire.

Oh and when I was like really young I used to throw rocks at cars on this one really busy street.

That's about it.

well........

 

 

this isnt bad, but it sure as hell was funny...

 

 

a few days ago, i was in class (laptop english class)

 

and i sit in the back of the room and can see what everyone is doing, there is this mormon kid that was begging for an assignment cause he didnt do it, so i im him saying i have the assignment, but little does he know that it is sp 0rke h he double clicks its and by the time it was done i was in the back of the class room with shit in my pants i was trying not to laugh so hard. (/sarcasm for the dumb trolls)

 

after class i hear him whining to the teacher as i leave the room..

 

 

next day i go in and right when i go in the teacher comes up to me and says that if it was me ill be suspended and have to pay 100 dollars in damage..

 

i said it wasnt me and i got off the hook =P

One time me and my friends were driving home from a bar, him sober, me drunk. and I had to piss so I pissed in an empty beer bottle, he pulled us over told us he'd let us off and told my friend to drive away. but he told us to give the only full bottle (the one I pissed in) sure enough he drank it and I bursted out laughing and I told him I pissed in it, then I got in shit for that,

Once I raped 135912459821459 million babies all in one night and blamed it on my mother.

Heh. Try this at home:

 

Take some rubbing alcohol (nice and slow burning).

 

Use it to draw out an offensive symbol (like a swastika).

 

Then light in on fire. It'll sit there and burn for a 5 or so minutes.

 

Do this in a park at night time where people will see it/be offended by it.

 

Its also fun to do this with a star of david, or cross.

 

I did it and some asshole called the cops. I had to run before they spotted me and my friends.

Heh. Try this at home:

 

Take some rubbing alcohol (nice and slow burning).

 

Use it to draw out an offensive symbol (like a swastika).

 

Then light in on fire. It'll sit there and burn for a 5 or so minutes.

 

Do this in a park at night time where people will see it/be offended by it.

 

Its also fun to do this with a star of david, or cross.

 

I did it and some asshole called the cops. I had to run before they spotted me and my friends.

rolf i did that once and some douche threw a half bottle of southern comfort at it and it was like boom!! one of the guys there got pwnd by a two inch piece of glass that flew into his ass as he was taking a piss at the time, we ditched him cuz we heard the cops in the distance come to think of it i havent seen him since