Posted January 22, 200619 yr Don't Shave That Hair!!! I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble shitting. No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold. I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea. I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Little did I know. I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry. Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic shit- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky shit/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering shit/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks." Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil. As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony. Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR! lol edit: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html
January 22, 200619 yr Although i have never tried or will try to shave my arse hair this post is probably right. :ugh:
January 22, 200619 yr I thought you'd be complaining about a rash you get from shaving down there. Ouch man, doesn't sound good. The next time a girl tells me my ass is hairy, I'm going to punch her in the mouth victoriously, and tell her this story. I'll be sure not to make the same mistake you did. I can only imagine the pain of having sharp freshly-cut stubble pubes stabbing me in the ass.
January 22, 200619 yr fucking rifk, that was poetry. the regrowth stubble, i feel your pain, as anyone who has (which most guys do) trimmed up their pubic region to stop it looking completely forestlike (dont like to see it on a girl and just alike, they dont like it on us) will know, because there comes that one time when you think... "what the hey, let's just shave it all off for once" then as the burning pain of regrowth hits you, all you can think is why you did it in the first place and how you'll never make the mistake again.
January 22, 200619 yr surely all babies/kids would have this problem then? or mabye its just you? good read though ;)
January 22, 200619 yr LOL, definately telling this to the Mrs 2nite, and let her know that it will NEVER happen!
January 22, 200619 yr surely all babies/kids would have this problem then? or mabye its just you? and there is undeniable proof that you haven't gone through puberty yet :wow:
January 22, 200619 yr fucking rifk, that was poetry. the regrowth stubble, i feel your pain, as anyone who has (which most guys do) trimmed up their pubic region to stop it looking completely forestlike (dont like to see it on a girl and just alike, they dont like it on us) will know, because there comes that one time when you think... "what the hey, let's just shave it all off for once" then as the burning pain of regrowth hits you, all you can think is why you did it in the first place and how you'll never make the mistake again. Only ***go sillyboys shave their crotchal region. You must be a ***go sillyboy. Women don't care about pubic hair, they care about money, and a good toung. Goddamn virgins....
January 22, 200619 yr fucking rifk, that was poetry. the regrowth stubble, i feel your pain, as anyone who has (which most guys do) trimmed up their pubic region to stop it looking completely forestlike (dont like to see it on a girl and just alike, they dont like it on us) will know, because there comes that one time when you think... "what the hey, let's just shave it all off for once" then as the burning pain of regrowth hits you, all you can think is why you did it in the first place and how you'll never make the mistake again. I know what you mean.
January 22, 200619 yr Only ***go sillyboys shave their crotchal region. You must be a ***go sillyboy. Women don't care about pubic hair, they care about money, and a good toung. Goddamn virgins.... well said prepubescent, virgin, closet case...
January 22, 200619 yr Ahah, good story. When I get around to it i'm just going to shave around my asshole to stop these shitsmelling dingleberries from sticking around. Oh, and to those saying shaved nuts itch, they do. I've told myself numerous times that i'm going to never do it again, but always do.
January 22, 200619 yr http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html nice try asshole, you're not the only one who uses google.
January 22, 200619 yr http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html nice try asshole, you're not the only one who uses google. He still warned us from shaving our asses!
January 22, 200619 yr This is why most of us who do care about how they look down there, at least trim their pubes, and shave their balls.
January 22, 200619 yr the hell with any kind of shaving. the pain of little pubic hair spears stabbing your dick every time you move just isnt worth it. i imagine that would be almost as bad for your ass.
January 22, 200619 yr dumbass plagarized the whole thing http://www.google.com/search?q=%22this+was+not+a+regularity+problem+but+a+matter+of+technique%22&start=0&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:unofficial
