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An old man meets an elderly lady at the Senior Citizens ball in their city.

They have a few drinks, and discover that some sneaky person has topped the OJ jugs with vodka. As all the oldies are shaking their walking frames on the dancefloor, these two younger-than-average seniors decide to sneak out to the sick-bay for a quiet chat and a chance to relive their energetic youth. After a few minutes of furtive grabbing and groping, he removes her granny-panties and goes down for a bit of tooth flossing. After a few seconds he pulls his head out and says "FUCK! That stinks! What's wrong with you?!". She replies "I've got arthritis", to which he asks "What?? In your pussy??". "No, in my arms. I can't wipe my ass".

Whats better than sex with a 6 year old?

Nothing

 

Why didn't the girl have any friends?

Cause she was in a wheelchair.

 

Car crash in Mexico... 500 people died.

 

How do you find the mexican population in your town?

Roll a quarter down the street.

What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?

 

Getting them out of the wheelchair and into the oven.

What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?

 

Getting them out of the wheelchair and into the oven.

 

ahahaha That was a good one.

an guy walks into a chinese takeaway, pulls his eyes to teh side and puts on his best chinese accent.

 

"i'll have chicken fwied wice and spwing woll pweez'

 

the guy behind the counter pulls his eyelides wide open n puts on his best english accent

 

'fuck off'

 

it is fun nier ot tell this one irl lol.

wanna hear a joke?

 

first black president

 

 

wanna hear a joke?

 

womens rights

 

:nigga:

Altar boy Timmy and Jimmy are sweeping up after services. A really hot blonde walks into the church and goes to confess. Timmy knows that the father isn't there and so he decides he's gonna go pretend to be the father and listen to the girl's confession.

He goes in and he hears her talking. "Forgive me father, for I have sined. It's been 3 days since my last confession." says the hot blonde, Timmy puts on his best manly voice and says "Yes, go on my child.". "Well, father, I am engaged to be married and we both vowed not to have sex until we were married. But last night I gave into temptation and gave him a blowjob, what should I do?" says the blonde. So Timmy replies "Give me a minute to think this over." and he runs out to Jimmy and he says "Jimmy, Jimmy, I need some help. What does the father usually give for a blowjob?" Jimmy replies "2 Snickers and a soda.".

Marine: Oh my god I've been shot

 

Army: Oh my god my tank is on fire

 

Navy: Oh my god my ship is sinking

 

Airforce: Oh my god, my pencil broke.

Three guys stayed at a skiing lodge, but there was only one room with one bed so they shared it.

 

During the night the guy on the left wakes up saying he had a dream where he got a hand job.

 

Incredulously the guy on the right says that he also had a dream where he got a hand job.

 

The guy in the middle says he dreamed he was skiing.

 

ROFL

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