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Warning: I'm the Real Slim Shitty.

SlimShitty
SlimShitty
in Flames

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I am not short on words, so please bear with the length of this letter. First and foremost, Pirate's pouty attempt to construct a creative response to my previous letter was absolutely pitiful. Really, Pirate, stringing together a bunch of solecistic insults and seemingly random babble is hardly effective. It simply proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that I see how important Pirate's disgraceful, tactless hijinks are to its faithfuls and I laugh. I laugh because if you think that this is humorous or exaggerated, you're wrong. I, hardheaded cynic that I am, find that some of Pirate's choices of words in its crusades would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "brain-damaged" for "ultraphotomicrograph" and "meddlesome" for "phoneticogrammatical." The truth hurts, doesn't it, Pirate? I had a conversation recently with some unprincipled prevaricators who were trying to intensify race hatred. That conversation convinced me that Pirate is addicted to the feeling of power, to the idea of controlling people. Sadly, it has no real concern for the welfare or the destiny of the people it desires to lead.

 

Pirate's worshippers employ carefully developed psychological techniques to influence the attitudes of dominant culture towards any environment or activity that is predominantly cacodemonic. In reaching that conclusion, I have made the usual assumption that I certainly have a hard time trying to reason with people who remain calm when they see Pirate guarantee the destruction of anything that looks like a vital community. Pirate has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to institute change. Pirate's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, if you looked up "venom-spouting-to-the-core" in the dictionary, you'd probably see its logo. I call this phenomenon "Pirate-ism". The same might be said of irrational, mischievous pillocks. The problem is, if you're the type who dares to think for yourself, then you've probably already determined that Pirate thinks it's good that its convictions weaken family ties. It is difficult to know how to respond to such monumentally misplaced values, but let's try this: I plan to hinder the power of asinine insurrectionists like it. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that Pirate insists that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Sorry, Pirate, but, with apologies to Gershwin, "it ain't necessarily so." I'm sorry if I've gotten a little off track here, but if I were a complete sap, I'd believe Pirate's line that statism can quell the hatred and disorder in our society. Unfortunately for it, I realize that Pirate's callow game of chess -- the ultra-uppity chess of cynicism -- has continued for far too long. It's time to checkmate this malodorous pickpocket and show it that its apparatchiks are tools. Like a hammer or an axe, they are not inherently evil or destructive. The evil is in the force that manipulates them and uses them for destructive purposes. That evil is Pirate, who wants nothing less than to canonize fatuitous fast-buck artists as nomological emblems of propriety.

 

Pirate is utterly dotty. We all are, to some extent, but it sets the curve. As I've said in the past, Pirate's sympathizers insist that Pirate can achieve its goals by friendly and moral conduct. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because every time Pirate tries, it gets increasingly successful in its attempts to force some to live by restrictive standards not applicable to others. This dangerous trend means not only death for free thought, but for imagination as well. We must inculcate in the reader an inquisitive spirit and a skepticism about beliefs that Pirate's trained seals take for granted. As mentioned above, however, that is not enough. It is necessary to do more. It is necessary to make Pirate answer for its wrongdoings. I close this letter along the same lines it opened on: Pirate plants false evidence to incriminate its adversaries.

  • Quote

    I love complaint generators too bro.

     

    I am writing this letter in simple English in order that everyone can read and understand my words. For openers, SlimShitty may unwittingly revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology—a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why sometimes I think that SlimShitty is simply a willing pawn of those obstinate simpletons who parlay personal and political conspiracy theories into a multimillion-dollar financial empire. I typically drop that willing-pawn notion, however, whenever I remember that if you read SlimShitty's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that the sky is falling. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that he alleges that he does the things he does "for the children". Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

     

    Let's play a little game. Deduct one point from your I.Q. if you fell for SlimShitty's ridiculous claim that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. Deduct another point if you failed to notice that SlimShitty spews lies as easily as a cuttlefish squirts out ink. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit. So don't tell me that his rejoinders are so power-drunk that they are easily taken up and assimilated by incomprehensible ingrates, whose intellectual level corresponds to the material offered, just because he often starts with a preconceived story and then plugs in supposed "information" in order to create a somewhat believable tale.

     

    I am not in any way placing the blame on SlimShitty for laughable, depraved pantywaists who persecute the innocent and let the guilty go unpunished. That notwithstanding, SlimShitty is still culpable for plotting to create an unreasonable world of guilt and shame. He is as materialistic as the sky is blue. Why is that relevant to this letter? Because I've never bothered him. Yet he wants to force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? SlimShitty's put-downs are founded on lies. And that's why I say to you: Have courage. Be honest. And encourage individuals to come out of their cocoons and flourish. That's the patriotic thing to do, and that's the right thing to do.

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    • Author
    I love complaint generators too bro.

     

    I am writing this letter in simple English in order that everyone can read and understand my words. For openers, SlimShitty may unwittingly revive the ruinous excess of a bygone era to bounce and blow amidst the ruinous excess of the present era. I say "unwittingly" because he is apparently unaware that he operates under the influence of a particular ideology—a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why sometimes I think that SlimShitty is simply a willing pawn of those obstinate simpletons who parlay personal and political conspiracy theories into a multimillion-dollar financial empire. I typically drop that willing-pawn notion, however, whenever I remember that if you read SlimShitty's writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that the sky is falling. But if you read his writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that he alleges that he does the things he does "for the children". Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

     

    Let's play a little game. Deduct one point from your I.Q. if you fell for SlimShitty's ridiculous claim that he is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. Deduct another point if you failed to notice that SlimShitty spews lies as easily as a cuttlefish squirts out ink. That's something you won't find in your local newspaper because it's the news that just doesn't fit. So don't tell me that his rejoinders are so power-drunk that they are easily taken up and assimilated by incomprehensible ingrates, whose intellectual level corresponds to the material offered, just because he often starts with a preconceived story and then plugs in supposed "information" in order to create a somewhat believable tale.

     

    I am not in any way placing the blame on SlimShitty for laughable, depraved pantywaists who persecute the innocent and let the guilty go unpunished. That notwithstanding, SlimShitty is still culpable for plotting to create an unreasonable world of guilt and shame. He is as materialistic as the sky is blue. Why is that relevant to this letter? Because I've never bothered him. Yet he wants to force people to act in ways far removed from the natural patterns of human behavior. Whatever happened to "live and let live"? SlimShitty's put-downs are founded on lies. And that's why I say to you: Have courage. Be honest. And encourage individuals to come out of their cocoons and flourish. That's the patriotic thing to do, and that's the right thing to do.

    COOL STORY, BRO

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    • Author
    No need to call names. I was just calling you by your name.

     

    No need to call names. I was just calling you by your name.

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    Your name isn't Pirate. You are a bitch.

     

    You're right, it's not Pirate. It's Pirate Jok3r, I still stand with my accusation. You are an idiot.

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    • Author
    No, I only put Pirate because I knew you would complain and be a bitch about it. My accusation stands, you're still a bitch.
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    I LIKED reading this. Very interesting :nono:

     

    agreed, should be stickied for being so informative

    :thinker:

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